I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
