Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
