Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
