it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
