omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
