i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
