Only a mothe r could love this liver
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize