i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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