I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
