The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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