If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
