she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
