I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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