2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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