you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
