Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
