I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
