I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
