She's JV to your varsity
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
