It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
