So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
