how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
