Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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