yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The adults are the big ones right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
