I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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