I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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