evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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