I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
my poor anus
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
