Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
