I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
