k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Ketchup is God's man juice
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
