You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
