im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
