she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
