I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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