More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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