distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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