he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We are two peas in an std pod
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
