We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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