Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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