If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize