if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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