I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize