Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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