Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
