It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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