I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
