OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
