it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
