so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
