What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
