guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
