I wanna bring you to show and tell
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just invented taco cereal.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
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