Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
