Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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