Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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