I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
