Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME