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it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
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