Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.

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  (208): Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible. http://tfl.nu/1gp8
  Replies (27) Good night (2958) Bad night (970)
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  (433): View more from

  There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables

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  (433): There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables http://tfl.nu/c33j
  Replies (63) Good night (1522) Bad night (4144)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?

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  (330): This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM? http://tfl.nu/jjdh
  Replies (23) Good night (5051) Bad night (850)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"

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  (419): He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry" http://tfl.nu/v0z5
  Replies (5) Good night (2482) Bad night (1203)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.

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  (954): We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers. http://tfl.nu/9jml
  Replies (5) Good night (4001) Bad night (988)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?

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  (814): how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac? http://tfl.nu/67cg
  Replies (84) Good night (7475) Bad night (1138)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.

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  (913): He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka. http://tfl.nu/p6nb
  Replies (7) Good night (5762) Bad night (1275)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.

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  (859): I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana. http://tfl.nu/vvio
  Replies (43) Good night (1379) Bad night (3582)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...

  (1+44): View more from

  That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh

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  (+44): You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl... (1+44): That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh http://tfl.nu/agy9
  Replies (23) Good night (4461) Bad night (1310)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl

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  (248): My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl http://tfl.nu/sa4n
  Replies (5) Good night (1793) Bad night (1097)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.

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  (314): he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it. http://tfl.nu/ukah
  Replies (3) Good night (1536) Bad night (694)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.

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  (317): Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart. http://tfl.nu/9c5h
  Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (922)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.

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  (304): Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed. http://tfl.nu/uiwu
  Replies (4) Good night (1166) Bad night (389)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.

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  (260): Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message. http://tfl.nu/4llk
  Replies (1) Good night (755) Bad night (345)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?

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  (765): Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night? http://tfl.nu/mtu1
  Replies (1) Good night (359) Bad night (163)

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