Texts From Last Night

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  (772): View more from Florida

  Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend

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  (772): Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend http://tfl.nu/ot3u
  Replies (3) Good night (768) Bad night (1011)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.

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  (513): theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me. http://tfl.nu/ioo3
  Replies (26) Good night (4878) Bad night (609)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

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  (203): He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later. http://tfl.nu/9zcr
  Replies (33) Good night (11130) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.

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  (414): My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with. http://tfl.nu/07fq
  Replies (158) Good night (2559) Bad night (12522)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan

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  (203): Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan http://tfl.nu/spkf
  Replies (9) Good night (2207) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back

  (906): View more from Michigan

  I resent that

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  (989): If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back (906): I resent that http://tfl.nu/qneu
  Replies (6) Good night (2964) Bad night (1691)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.

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  (970): Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose. http://tfl.nu/6jp2
  Replies (3) Good night (726) Bad night (1848)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Marry him. Now.

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  (570): He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight. (1-570): Marry him. Now. http://tfl.nu/5wky
  Replies (13) Good night (3945) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.

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  (270): I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk. http://tfl.nu/wgbm
  Replies (9) Good night (1710) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.

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  (720): I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/gexm
  Replies (5) Good night (502) Bad night (1400)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.

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  (251): You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER. http://tfl.nu/1azh
  Replies (7) Good night (470) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.

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  (615): I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn. http://tfl.nu/8jte
  Replies (2) Good night (576) Bad night (192)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...

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  (+44): Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer... http://tfl.nu/gvjp
  Replies (1) Good night (500) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder

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  (563): I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder http://tfl.nu/9h0o
  Replies (1) Good night (586) Bad night (156)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.

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  (601): My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service. (1-601): Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar. http://tfl.nu/yh0y
  Replies (1) Good night (907) Bad night (219)

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