Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
