This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
