you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
