Quick, to the slutcave!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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