Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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