just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
