I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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